He Spoke

But did she hear?

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This past weekend I attended She Speaks 2015. She Speaks is a conference for women in Christ.
Writers. Authors. Bloggers. Speakers. Leaders.

And then it's for people like me. One who doesn't know which end is up, much less have a clue what I am or what I want.....but is merely excited about meeting a favorite famous author!

Throughout the weekend, and normally as we sat down for meals, I kept getting asked "Are you in the Speaker or Writer tract?" Ha! Seriously, it got to be a bit comical after I told the 100th chick that "Girl, I ain't got a clue! I'm just here." Sweetly, some women would say they didn't really know either why they were there and some would just sweetly nod. And girls, I am a Christian, so I won't pretend to know what they were thinking about me!

And then of course there are the Ones. Oh they know. You know the Ones.
"I am a writer. I have a blog with 1.2 million readers and I'm published. Like for real published. And I've got my stuff to-gether honey!"

Ok, so maybe I added a bit to that but still. Still they know! And I'm a wee bit jealous of that knowing.

So here I am...no clue what tract I signed up for. All I know is that I signed up and I'm a fan of "The Best Yes", my long-time-no-see frand is in town, and it's going to be an amazing weekend. Hooray!

I am not lying when I say that when I walked into those doors, I wasn't prepared for the revelation that God would do to my heart. I am a Christian. I love Jesus. I love His girls. I love to read Jesus books. I love to write blog posts. I love to talk. And I love really good food. She Speaks was about all of that and so much more. But oddly enough, what God revealed to me wasn't even about me at all.

I went in wanting answers.
I needed confirmation.
I yearned for clarity.

I. I. I.
Me. Me. Me.

It's freaky to the point that I'm beginning to think these ladies sat down months ago during their planning stages and said "Y'all, now God spoke to me last night, and He said there's this girl and she's going through some junk and she's going to need us to wave a big flashing bright sign in her face and her name is going to be Amanda. And she's going to be in X Y & Z sessions. Now you go. Go step right on her little manicured toes."

Worship started and the room swelled. You could feel the Spirit of Christ. Hands raised and hearts open.

The waterworks started and like a broken spigot, I couldn't turn it off. It would've been embarrassing but I am certain not a single soul cared about me or the snot running down my lip. Every person was embraced fully by the arms of Jesus and the world went so dim. Nothing else mattered. Reality had ended. Me ended.

It is incredible, the gift of God that is peace.

Workshop after session after prayer, God showed up with His sense of peace. Only peace that He can give and I'm not even telling a story! I have wrestled with some "stuff" going on in my life for months, years even. And the moment I let God fully enter in, His peace captivated my heart and my mind and Jesus opened my eyes to a world I never knew existed for me. A path that seems so scary, suddenly seemed lit up with hope and promise. The way seemed clear.

A servants heart. That's where it's at. I know it sounds so simple. Too simple, even. But over and over I was reminded that THIS...all of this...it isn't me. I can't make very little time for God each day and then expect Him to make all the time in the world for me and my plans. I can't beg and plead for my purpose to be revealed if I am not willing to see His purpose. I can't await big and grand things from Him if I am not willing to trust that He will provide the means to make them happen financially, spiritually and even emotionally.

A servants heart. I kept hearing it over and over. The bible says "For what we proclaim is not ourselves, but Jesus Christ as Lord, with ourselves as your servants for Jesus' sake." It isn't about me. I am a vessel, for sure. But God has created some really great amazing and talented spirit-filled vessels. Ones that listen to Him for their next course. I am nothing. But I am a servant of Christ, I am nothing that is something. Something and someone, only by the grace of Christ Jesus, that God wants to use to share His gospel. That's all. "Nothing more. Nothing less."

So Saturday rolled around. Reality was coming back into focus and with every little blip of home calling, I began to toss like a ship in the sea. I would go into the prayer room and pray with palms up to receive His instruction. "God just send me a SIGN! (And when you DO send me a sign, I'm going to need to it flash in bright yellow blinking blinding letters so that I'll know it's You; and God, if it pleases you of course, then I would love if you would just make everything else just go away. That way I'll knowwww for sure, sure!") I would read my Bible app. I would journal. I would stuff the fears and questions only for them to bubble back up to the top and threaten to make me forget every good thing God had done in me over the weekend.

"Child. Be still so that I can show you the way."

I saw the signs. They may not have blinked. But they were there. I saw the flashing arrow saying "THIS WAY!" I heard the audible voice because He had his vessels saying it. I feel the push. I feel the nudge. There is no question.

But I still don't know if I HEARD Him. Like really, truly LISTENED.

*eyeroll* I mean, seriously, how dumb can a girl be? Every single cotton-pickin' thing points me in the direction I know is right and good. But reality, in all it's pesky doubts, says "but wait?" and "what if?" and "how will you?".

So naturally, it's Monday. Like Mondayyyyyyyyyyy. I'm tired and confused and heavy-hearted. But Jesus spoke. I'm still trying to ask myself.... Did I hear? Did I really, truly hear? Because the answer is there.

So today I turn off the noise of the world. Focus on His truths.

God is my Father.
God will provide.
God didn't say it would always be easy.
But...
God is good
God is faithful.
"For we walk by faith, not by sight."

Well now I've got chill bumps.
Hello.
That's a sign!

I don't know that I'll ever not wrestle with myself and my thoughts and deciding if something is God's will or not. I don't know. I may be standing in line at the pearly gates and be like "I'm gonna need a sign that this is where I'm suppose to be, Jesus!" Maybe I will reach that point. I'm not there. But He's not done yet. This I know for sure. I am His vessel.

Lord, use me for You.

Gasping for the breath of Your Word // "God's Not Dead"

Last night, we had "Wednesday Night Live" at our church. We have several lovely cooking teams that provide dinner and then follow with some sort of Bible study/discussion group. We often start and stop WNL throughout the year for summer/winter & holiday breaks and then we'll restart for an 8-week long session. We just started back last week but I wasn't feeling all that well and thought it best to stay home. The entire group came together to view the movie "God's Not Dead".  Have you seen it yet?!

Although we didn't get to join the group at church, my husband and I had previously gone to see this movie in the theater and it didn't disappoint. If you have not seen it, get your hands on it. Good for the whole family. Time NOT wasted!

The message was fantastic....my witness stronger because of it. God, most definitely, is NOT dead. He's alive!!

One of my son's favorite songs says it perfectly....

Facebook blew up as folks flocked to see the movie. And each time I saw someone's status read "GOD'S NOT DEAD!"...my heart leaped for joy!! *fist bump*

Our Sunday School Class has been studying the Book of Revelation. Deep stuff I'm telling ya. I am so intrigued, interested, encouraged, baffled at the descriptions of what is to come. I love learning about end times prophecy and, in fact, believe that we are nearing the return of our Lord Jesus, without a doubt. Prophecy is being fulfilled. We are close.

There's a sense of urgency in my life, in our church, in the discipleship that is going on around me. We need to be prepared. Be ready. Be on our toes for when we come in contact with someone who desperately needs to hear the redeeming grace and love of Jesus. To not be afraid. We are against adversity, very troubling times and scrutiny and the adversary is pushing HARD on Christians. We are being forced to be politically correct. To shush our beliefs because we may offend. To stifle our voices because it is unpopular and we are now considered minorities (which I'm not sure I believe...I think it is a media tactic, but I digress). Our class discussed the bowls and seals and horses and antichrists just what our thoughts were about the end of life as we currently know it, the fulfillment of prophecy, the glorious awaiting. More glorious than anything we can fathom and that's hard when we see glimpses like this....

It is not lost on our SS Class that our WNL class is following in the same path of urgency and preparedness that is necessary these days.

So back to last night.

We broke into smaller groups for discussion of the movie. Last night's topic was "Get Prepared". (Oh, hello relevance!)

Our Pastor led our group in discussion Principles of Preparation.

I have to admit, when we first began the class, I was a little distracted. I've got so much going on right now. Lately, although bouncing back and forth between desires, dreams, work and family, I feel like a mental fog is lifting and there's so much I NEED to do. Need being the operative word here because right that minute, that's not what I needed to be thinking about. But let's face it. I was Distracted. Uncommitted. Not Ready.  Feel me?!

It was when Pastor David said "Be ready to share your testimony in under two minutes" that for some reason my ears perked up....I opened by EVERNOTE and began just jotting down snippets of the lesson/discussion.

My notes went a little something like this:

Testimony < 2 minutes
Know what you believe 
Can share the Gospel/Beliefs concisely
Honest. Simple. Don't get fancy. The Word is RIGHT THERE.
Can religion and science coexist?
Is God reasonable?
Creation without "evidence"
Know why you came to believe
How to gain Godly beliefs - Study the Word//Ask the wise//Saturate yourself
Be ready. Be gentle. Be respectful. Be humble. Be teachable.
Jesus was NOT a doormat.
It's OK to not know it all.
Do NOT be arrogant.
Listen to their story.

I was fully immersed. It always draws me back in. Close to my Father. His word ALWAYS finds me and captures me and reels me back in.

I'm being reeled in.
Jesus is doing the cleaning.

Oh the metaphors.

Why is it that we can get so......... lost?
Why is it so hard to stay on track and focused?

The lift of the mental fog has allowed me to focus more on my bible study and I keep sensing the same direction of saying YES to God. To be open to HIS direction. He's leading me....somewhere. Again, nothing lost on me between SS study and WNL study and my daily devotions and personal development studies that.......GOD IS PREPARING ME.

He's lifting that fog. "And at last I see the light..it's like the fog has lifted" 

But somehow, sometimes we still get lost in our daily juggle. But this urgency to "Get Prepared"....I feel it. I feel it like the pull of a million magnets on my soul.

The Holy Spirit wants to bestow power upon me, ON US, to share with others, to be fishermen and reel 'em in to Christ.

He's ready to clean.
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It was at the end of class when David said, "May we gasp for the breath of Your Word". 
My skin tingled. My eyes pricked. I absolutely was touched by these words.

I don't want to be filled with anything else but the breath of Jesus. His Word. I want to be fully saturated and on time to His calling. You see.... God is positively NOT dead. He's alive. He's roaring inside of me like a lion. I've got to get ready.

WE have GOT to get ready.

1 Peter 3:15 says:

#GodsNotDead