Dear Baby,

Do you know...

How anxious we are to meet you?
That you were prayed for....and are a prayer answered?
How I think you might be a tiny octopus in there with all that kicking & poking?
The gentle sweet voice of your daddy? 
That your "baby" big brother thinks you love to be poked and kissed?
How badly you give mommy heartburn?
That mommy is super nervous about having another newborn?
How amazing it is to feel you hiccup? 
That you are most likely the completion to our family?
That you make mommy want to eat doughnuts and ice cream and fruit and cereal and JUNK constantly!? 
How awesome it is that there is another person inside me?
That you hear my heartbeat from the inside?

Dear baby do you know that you are so very, very loved.....already? 

It's awe-inspiring to believe on God's word that He has formed you in my womb. He knows your gender, although we don't! He has completely, fearfully and wonderfully made you in His image. He knows the exact time and date that you will enter this world. He knows how many hairs will be on your head. He granted my body the ability to carry you now to thirty-five weeks. I stand amazed.

Do you know, dear baby, the responsibility that we carry as your parents, family and friends to raise you in His love and under the grace and mercy of Christ's sacrifice so that you are called into His kingdom one day? It will be hard to raise you in this generation. I'm frankly scared of what you'll see and hear. The challenges you'll face. But I trust in Jesus' name. I don't take the responsibility lightly and I pray every day that we make the best decisions that we can for you and your siblings.

There are definitely "worsts" and "bests" of being pregnant. I'd do it all over again....a trillion times over for each of my babies. The "worsts" don't define the experience. They make me very thankful for the "bests"!

The all-day-sickness, heartburn, ligaments stretching, worrisome contractions, more heartburn, insomnia, leg cramps.....the mood swings, tears, "what ifs" and worries.....the swollen ankles and fingers, weight gain, itching.........shall I go on? Dear baby you are worth every.single.symptom!

Today I am 35 weeks.

I didn't think we'd make it this far. The weekly shots - and they hurt let me tell you!!! The constant fear of going into premature labor. The constant comments from people...

"Oh you've never been this big before!"
"You sure you can go another five weeks?"
"You sure are carrying low!"
"Oh honey your face just shows that you definitely won't go much longer!"

They mean well, they do! I feel good actually. I feel at peace and now that we are at week 35, I have the much-needed reassurance that you will enter this world safely!

Dear baby, you are my joy! I can't wait to nuzzle your neck. To kiss your lips. To see your face and decide just who you look like. I can't wait to nurse you and comfort you and watch you grow. I am ready to meet you and call you by name.

Are you a girl? or do we have another son? We're waiting patiently (or for some *ahem* not so patiently!!) to find out! You know, daddy has your picture somewhere in the house. We could know already, but oh, I can't wait to be the first to know and announce it to the world! It truly is one of life's biggest surprises and it is so amazing to not know and get to all find out together. 

I promise I'll be ok with whatever gender you are. People think I'll be disappointed if you are a boy....that we'll "try again". I think they are crazy! You are our "dessert" baby! You are the sweet end. (And even bittersweet in some ways.) Whether boy or girl though, mommy and daddy feel like our little family is complete........unless we gain some bonus kids one day! :)

Today is daddy's 35th birthday!! And tomorrow he has surgery on his knee. It'll also be the last day of school....your big brother is so excited! He wants you to come on his birthday - which is in ten days, but ONLY if you are a boy. Because boy's can share birthdays...and if so, surely you'll like StarWars too, he says! But girls need their own birthday, so if you are girl, congrats!, you can have your own princess & pony party he says! Oh your brothers are in for a ride...but they are, too, excited to meet you...even if you aren't a "dog". (You'll understand one day!)

The next week is VBS at church. We've got a history with VBS and childbirth....will this be your week too?!? "Lions, Fires & BABIES, OH MY!"

Our prediction is June 24th. Shall we meet you at the hospital then, little baby??

Oh precious baby, is it a date?
Mommy can't wait for her first kiss!!

Happy Surprises

Remember when you were little and mom went to the grocery store and she would announce...
            "Hey kids, I'm going to the grocery store, can you think of anything we need?" 

I'd always reply...

            "Bring me back a happy surprise!" 

I remember it vividly. There's not much I remember from my childhood it seems. Little tidbits here and there. But happy surprises. You always remember them.

And today I'm announcing our little "Happy Surprise"! I think I'll never forget this little happy surprise.

Pregnancy #3. Kid #5.

Meet Baby Plum. (He/She was named the week it was the size of a plum!)

Isn't it amazing? Every single time it's like the first time when you see the + test...

There's a little shock...

I mean really. We were done. DONE. D-O-N-E. Honestly. Done. 

Or so we thought. We had prayed about it. I was 95% done. Hubby was 100% done. Guess who was the one to "give in"...I remember distinctly..."The Lord's will be done". Mmmm hmmm. Women, never ever trust a man's percentage calculation equations on doneness. They can trip you up and the next thing you know.......hello positive dollar store test! You weren't done. We weren't done. I knew it. I tried to tell him. ;) 

And I'm so thankful!

Here is where I was a few months back...

Remember, I said I knew I wasn't done. Now, don't get me wrong. I was done with pregnancy. Just not with kids. I wanted more. I wanted to help. I wanted our family to understand this dynamic and the necessity that is "out there". The kids who need homes. The kids suffering through Foster Care and multiple "parents". The disabled kids who need real, true love. The boys who need a father. The girls who need a mommy and a sister.

Sure, our home isn't perfect. We've got a lot of learning to do on the topic of parenting. But there's one thing we don't have a shortage of, and that's love. I know it in my heart. And even with this happy surprise, I bet the void still isn't filled. In honesty, in the midst of hovering over toilets, massive headaches, kidney stones and every.other.imaginable.symptom...it has faded. But I bet it's still there. I pray it is still there.

Because the kids.....they are still there.

We are the church. We ARE the CHURCH. The orphans, the elderly, the poor. We have so much. They have so little. It isn't a charity case or a duty but a burning desire.

Until the end of June..... or July.

....here we are. Pregnant. Again. 

I freaked a little at first thinking it may be twins. Everyone thought it may be twins. I was big. Fast. I was freaking. But I knew that no matter what, God had us covered in His mercy and His plan is far more superior than ANYTHING I could write down on a sticky pad and check off! He's got this. He's got me covered in His grace and thank God, peace. There is only one. :)

This man knows when to "Let Go and Let God!". I trust him. He's my rock. He is the leader of this family and I am so very thankful. You are a good daddy. Just think.... two more little footprints on the t-shirt. Aren't we blessed?

I can't wait to hold this little bundle. 

I think it's a girl. I've never felt sure with the previous pregnancies. And I'm not 100% sure now. (You know me and percentages!) But all of the "gender prediction tests" say girl. It's kinda crazy.

But we won't know until sometime in July when he/she arrives. Another little "Happy Surprise"!

Either way, this child is blessed. And we are blessed because of this child. 

God's percentages are SO much more reliable. 

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To my friends who may read this and haven't received their positive test, or those who have suffered the loss of a pregnancy. Keep holding onto faith and to God's reassuring promise that He has a plan. I pray for you. I pray for your day. And in the meantime, I pray for your peace and patience and frustration and fear. I love you. 

"We can rejoice, too, when we run into problems and trials, for we know that they help us develop endurance.  And endurance develops strength of character, and character strengthens our confident hope of salvation.  And this hope will not lead to disappointment. For we know how dearly God loves us, because he has given us the Holy Spirit to fill our hearts with his love." Romans 5:3-5

Making things difficult

Why I make things so difficult is beyond me. Seriously.

There are a few things I'm OCD over (like my sticky notes!) but for the most part....laundry goes unfolded, toys.are.everywhere, piles of unopened mail, half empty water bottles in the car (hey, you never know!)....that's me. It is what it is. Right now LIFE is so much more important. My kids will only be little once. I'll never get this time back being 30-something.

So WHY do I make things more difficult than they ought be?

So, before I even go any further with this blog, let me just clarify a few things:

1. The cute little blog frames. Gone. Done. Too much work!
2. Yes, I have a photography business, fancy equipment but NO I normally don't have it with me and even when I do, I still use my cellphone 98% of the time for taking pictures. And yes, most of my images are blurry and crazy but honestly, this blog is for fun. I'm going to keep it that way and NOT stress over the perfect blog pictures for now! And I'm refusing to feel bad about it. Got it, self? mmkay.
3. There will be no rhyme or reason to my posts. I will do them when I get the chance and hopefully I will figure out some sort of schedule later on. But for now, I'll be jumping all over the place with my posts. Sorry about that.
4. Well thought out posts - yeah that's tiring! 

Oh you didn't even notice the blog frames and you aren't seeing very clever posts? Yeah, chances are that's the case. And part of the reason for this stems from my business blog where I had to always be "on" for clients. Honestly, this post is for me and me only. Most people could care less. But it is off my chest and out there just in case someone wanted to judge me for being so totally "not together".

A famous man once said....“I am what I am, and that's all that I am.” He's so smart, that Popeye!

 

Do you see me? Yep, that's me, clinging on for dear life to life.

This blog will be fun and easy. No fuss. From here on out!